//Applying for My Future

Applying for My Future

Applying for My Future


The application process for continuing my education is fairly intense: deadlines, fees, waivers, transcripts, essays,… I already included these schools in my FAFSA so I shouldn’t have to worry about that, but now that I’m making a list it would be wise to verify that I don’t have to resubmit this information. Then comes school visits and offer letters and hopefully (I will convert to whatever religion is necessary to secure this) a generous financial aid offer making this next step a reality. I am also going to entertain the possibility of getting a loan from my bank – that’s probably a long shot, but I’m not taking anything off the table until I have tried it.

atlas of wonder


So far, I have sent applications to UMass Boston, UMass Amherst, Univ. of Vermont, and Bridgewater State University. I have sent transcripts to Umass Amherst and Bridgewater State (I might add Vermont to this list soon) and have paid the application fee for Bridgewater while the Amherst application fee should be waived. The process gets expensive: $50, $75 and $80 application fees; $8 and $10 for each transcript; $150 just to graduate – it’s going to be close to $400 before I even get accepted anywhere.

I was able to view my FAFSA for 2017-2018 and all of my schools were already added back in May and I proactively submitted my FAFSa for 2018-2019 just to be certain there is no uncertainty regarding my poverty. There is still the issue of MRC to think about and whether or not hey will be able to provide any financial assistance toward my education.

Yesterday, I was full of turmoil; ranting, delirious, and overwhelmed by everything going on around me. In the cool light of the morning, walking with the group, under the remnant of the full Harvest moon things seemed a little less unmanageable (I know double negatives are frowned upon, but I couldn’t not use one there).


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Definition: uncomplicated and straightforward, but also acquiescent or obedient

There is a very important part of “the program” where the initiate has to admit he/she is powerless and that life has become unmanageable. The only problem now (I say that like there is only one problem) is that I don’t drink anymore and my life still seems unmanageable. Now, people who have devoted their lives to this program will use that as proof that I am not “doing the work”. I say that’s baloney! I do lots of work, with lots of different people with various groups. My recovery support network (or whatever it’s called) is vast and wide, but perhaps that is the problem – it may be that I have spread myself over too wide an area and left the homefront vulnerable.

Chapter 20

What’s the difference between yes and no?
What’s the difference between beautiful and ugly?
Must one dread what others dread?
Oh barbarity! Will it never end?

Other people are joyous, like on the feast of the ox,
Like on the way up to the terrace in the spring.
I alone am inert, giving no sign,
Like a newborn baby who has not learned to smile.
I am wearied, as if I lacked a home to go to.

Other people have more than they need,
I alone seem wanting.
I have the mind of a fool,
Understanding nothing.

The common people see clearly,
I alone am held in the dark.
The common people are sharp,
Only I am clumsy,
Like drifting on the waves of the sea,
Without direction.

Other people are occupied,
I alone am unwilling, like the outcast.
I alone am different from the others,
Because I am nourished by the great mother.


Back on My Feet

We have a race this weekend in Somerville, another 5k and another chance to improve my time. It feels good to get out there and run. The nervous energy and worries over trifling matters dissipate as my whole focus is on breathing and rhythm and the next step. A hill or an obstacle is not a deterrent, but rather an opportunity to dig a little deeper for the needed strength. If only I could apply the same principles I adhere to in running, or math, or anything specific to my life in general. That is the real challenge.


“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”