What is … ?
Before I get into harping about my horrible life, I want to wish a huge Get Well and a speedy recovery to Alex Trebek. Alex (you don’t mind if I just call him Alex) has been a vital member of my family since the mid ’80s. His iconic moustache and the soothing timbre of his mellifluous voice never fail to remind me of halcyon days of yore. While my poetic waxing may seem in jest, let truth be told – Alex Trebek unites families, heals wounds and rejuvenated the infirm. I pray for many more years of Jeopardy.
If you’ve never seen the priceless Saturday Night Live skits, … well, you just haven’t lived. Check one episode out here; http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/jeopardy/n10924?snl=1
This is one of those times in life, a momentous opportunity to prove what I’m made of. Do I crumble and run away? That’s usually what I do. I will admit that I didn’t go out of my way to find the h.m. this morning to hash out the details of my imminent departure. However, I downloaded the Nextdoor app, placed an ad and (wham! Just like that) I already got two responses. Yes, I am concerned, terrified, overwhelmed and lots of other feelings about this predicament, but this is a chance for me to handle a situation in sobriety.
Gravity is powerful and irresistible unless you’re Hawking radiation and too busy escaping black holes to take much notice of someone way out here on Earth.
This gravity is feeling like a tether
I wanna, wanna be so high above the weather
All frequency around
‘Round ’round, ’round ’round without a sound
My own advice
When I am talking to (with) my therapist it seems, to me at least, that I know what I should do and that I have a pretty good handle on ‘how the world works’. The same can be said of the benign and indulgent attitude I have, sometimes, towards the younger ones in the recovery community. In any event, what advice would I give myself if I didn’t have the misfortune to live in my own head?
Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
I would tell myself to figure out how much money I actually have (in cash) available and how much can I realistically afford for rent? Then I would say, “ask around, you would be surprised at what people might be able to help”. I would advise the person to post ads on Craigslist and Nextdoor, not think about posting an ad, but actually doing it. The time for thinking about doing stuff has past, the time is coming very soon for action. To that end, I would encourage him in the strongest way possible to have a conversation with h.m. to settle on a firm date of egress (the further off the better).
I don’t want or need to be in a sober house, halfway house, communal living environment, certified this that or other thing. All I want is some peace and quiet which is not impossible in the city. Can I just have my bed, my window, my shower, my food, my mess? What do I need other than a bed, a lamp, a dresser and a desk to work at? I don’t mind sharing the rest (I do mind, but it is bearable) as long as I have my little refuge, sanctuary, from the chaos outside.
Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.
Until such time as I am allowed to let me guard down I must maintain this state of heightened awareness, tiring as it is. My first foray into room hunting has brought me encouragement. There are rooms available, my income isn’t too low – there are some concessions I will have to make, most likely in terms of convenient shopping and transportation but I knew that going into this. I might have an unlikely ally in one housemate, an old bastard like me, who wants out of the madness that is Whitwell St Asylum. Maybe we can join forces. When one door closes …
By the way
My Nextdoor ad:
I’m an older student at Quincy College and I’m looking for a room near school to rent from now until September. I would prefer walking distance but anything that fits my budget will do. I can pay $150/week and help with math,science. If anyone can even point me in the right direction I would greatly appreciate it, my situation is Urgent. Thanks.