Things are starting to pick up steam in the College search. The acceptance letters are trickling in as deadlines expire. The elephant in this mix is what a potential financial package will look like. I don’t qualify for a free ride based solely on merit, but grades combined with volunteer work, letters of recommendation and life experience might make me eligible for non-traditional sources of revenue.
I am finding out now that most schools don’t begin the spring semester until around January 17th (check the date), but that is completely in line with Quincy College. My concern is what I will do for money while I’m waiting.
- Will I have work study at a new school?
- What about unemployment?
- A part time job?
- Scholarship money?
- Mass Rehab Commission?
It feels like I am always trying to figure out what to do with my life while I’m waiting for others to decide my fate. I can begin to imagine the stress of the accused man waiting for the Verdict. I know I’ve written about it before, but Kafka’s the Trial always comes to mind – the man accused of an unknown awaiting an unknown fate through some arcane process.
The autumn sky hangs over all of these momentous decisions, like a shroud under which reality is replaced by the phantoms of my dreams. I can’t let the oppressive weight of the hopes, fears and illusions of my dreamscape drag me down. While it may be impossible to stay “light”, I can keep myself occupied with all the free online courses through MIT EdX.
One of my favorite characters in fiction, and whose battles seem analogous to my own sometimes, is Don Quixote. My demons are all inside my head and the battle is furious. Unlooked for, but appreciated, are the allies I have met along the way. From former professors to recovery “experts” to volunteer role models, I have found strength and inspiration from a wide selection of diverse types. It is through these people and their assistance that I am learning where my true value lies and what helping really means. My monsters are nothing compared to what some people have been through. If I can get on top of this and lend a hand to the next person, that will be something.
Maybe I’ll have a quiz one of these days to see if anyone can identify all of the sources I take quotes from, but probably not. Can you guess this one?
Well Zenora Bariella
And Coriander Pyle
They had sixteen children
In the usual style
They had a curio museum
And they had no guile
All they ever wanted
Was a show biz child
Who am I recommend, refer, or otherwise sanction any person or thing? Is it because of my exemplary handling of my personal affairs and this little kingdom of misplaced blame and shuffled guilt?
All the world’s indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another’s audience
Outside the gilded cage
The next morning
Or, the morning after that. Or maybe later.
Things are picking up steam as far as school applications. Mass Rehab is moving forward, my conversation with my case worker today was very fruitful and soon, I hope, I’ll have an offer from them to send to schools that I have already been accepted into. The frightening future, untested and mysterious is becginning to take form. This is how things work in quantum physics. At first there are an infinite many possibilities, all with zero probability, but as time and events and space and people happen reality begins to coalesce, some options begin to seem more likely than others until one day you realize that the choice has already been made. The decision had been made before the world was even born.